Today, March 23rd, is mine & Adam’s 4th wedding anniversary. While thinking about our anniversary, I realized that I have never shared photos from our destination wedding in Montego Bay, Jamaica. So in today’s post, I thought it would be fun to share a look back at some of our wedding photos + 4 things I’ve learned from 4 years of marriage.
Left to right: My dad, stepmom, aunt, mom, me, Adam, Adam’s mom, & Adam’s brother
As soon as I met Adam, I knew that he was the one. I had been in previous relationships that I thought were right at the time, but once Adam and I were together, I realized why none of my other relationships panned out. Adam is the most selfless, hardworking, and loving person I’ve ever met. Even with that being said, marriage is hard. It takes two people making a conscious decision to love each other every day. So, although I’m no expert, I wanted to share what I’ve learned on our journey so far
1. Be on the Same Page Spiritually – Whether you’re already married, in a long-term relationship, or just starting a new relationship, this one is so important. I don’t think that Adam and I would have lasted as a couple if we didn’t share the same beliefs. This was something that was important for both of us, especially in a spouse, and it has formed the foundation of our marriage. We strive to keep God first in our lives, in our decisions, and in our relationship.
Do we fall short of this? Daily.
But His mercies are new each day. And each day is another chance to put Him first in my own life, and in our relationship.
A chord of three strands is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
2. Communication is Key – And sometimes it can be sooooooo hard. Adam and I are very similar, so when we were dating, we never argued. We didn’t really have anything to argue about. And if I’m being honest, we don’t argue that often now. But, I will say, that we realized pretty early into our marriage that we have very different communication styles. When I’m upset about something, I want to talk about it RIGHT THEN (regardless if I’m fired up to a 10 or super emotional).
Adam takes a different approach. If he’s upset about something, he usually doesn’t say anything in the moment. He waits until emotions are calmed and then approaches the subject. This was super frustrating for me in the beginning of our marriage (and sometimes still is). Why won’t he just talk it out with me so I can get over it?? Ha But honestly, I’m beginning to understand why this can sometimes be the better approach, even if I don’t always like it.
Whatever your communication styles are, it’s good to understand your partner’s approach, especially if they differ from your own. Adam and I both have to give and take when it comes to this. Sometimes we go with my approach, and sometimes we go with his. But, the most important thing is that you talk with each other. There are a lot of topics that aren’t fun to talk about, but it’s so important to have those conversations. Bite the bullet and have the uncomfortable family, or budget, or faith conversations. Your relationship will be stronger for it.
3. The Love Languages are REAL – Remember this book that became so popular a few years ago? Well, it’s legit. I won’t ruin it, but basically, you start by taking a quiz that reveals your love languages. For example, your love languages might be gifts & quality time, while your spouse’s might be quality time & physical touch. It’s so insightful to see how your love languages and your partner’s may differ.
One of my love languages is words of affirmation, while one of Adam’s is acts of service. So basically, I feel most loved by hearing words of affirmation, whereas Adam feels loved from acts of service. This was super insightful for me because, while Adam is not one to spout flowery words of affirmation, he does show his love by acts of service on a daily basis. He shows his love by taking my blog photos, doing the laundry, loading the dishwasher, etc. and I show love by sharing daily words of affirmation.
In short, you often show love in the way that YOU want to receive love. BUT that might not be the way that your partner feels loved. This book was super insightful for us and helped us to understand each other so much better.
4. Pick Your Battles – In Adam’s words, “I’ve learned to pick my battles and let things go, because there’s some things about you that aren’t going to change.” HAHA So. True. If that’s not marital insight, I don’t know what is. 😉
One of those said battles would be me taking over all the closets in our house. If I’ve heard Adam complain about the closets once, I’ve heard him complain about them a billion times. But look, I’m a blogger. I have a lot of clothes. I constantly clean out/donate/give away, but they accumulate quickly. He still makes passing comments, but overall, he’s let it go. And its true, some things aren’t going to change. Just like he drives me CRAZY when he leaves his gym bag in our foyer by the door. I’ve asked him over and over to move it because I run into it constantly. But, that’s where it’s convenient for him, and I’ve accepted the fact that it’s not going to change.
These sound like silly examples, but after ruining a fresh pedicure from running into that gym bag or having to replace a fallen closet rack because it was too heavy and came out of the wall, get back with me. (Not our best moments. LOL)
I heard someone make the comment one time that you shouldn’t be willing to die on every hill (AKA pick your battles). I couldn’t agree with this statement more. Some things may be worth the battle, but I always try to ask myself, is this going to be that important to me tomorrow? Next week? Next year?
…Adam would probably say yes about the closets, haha!
What have you learned from your relationship or marriage? I asked the same question over on my Instagram last night and have loved reading the responses!
Happy Anniversary, babe! I love sharing this life with you and I am so thankful for you each and every day.
